hangin in there

Through the past month I have learned a lot. I have had a really hard time with God this past year

this is true, but this past month, I have seen Him in more places in my life than I have in a long time. I have grown in Him more than I expected. I have a long way to go, yes, but I am walking closer to Him and while I am still questioning a lot, and struggling a lot too, I am seeing Him a lot more than I did before. This is a great thing.

I have started this new journal thing. Not specific to any day each time I write and draw in it, but each page represents either something recent , or in the past. For example, I have made a page about my uncle's murder, which happened in fifth grade, and the pages are in no specific order. but it is not like a normal journal. That is because each page doesnt necessarilly have writing on it but magazine cut outs or a picture or a drawing or even scribbles. But it is meaningful, and I have shown some people, but others not yet. Alli Beth and Erik, I want to share it wil you guys next year when I have more of it filled and such.

( the pictures: the one in the upper left corner is a bridge in Sparta WI, and the other one is the sunset on the way up to WI this past weekend, I took it out the car window while we were moving... not to shabby huh?)

cole and elijah... and other randomness

So you all know about the begining of my summer. Well, I am still doing out patient, hoping to get discharged from that next week, and then I start the new program in Hinsdale which is specifically geared towards self injurers.
But outside of treatment, I have been babysitting. I babyat cole and elijah last night, Cole was sick and sleeping most of the time, so me and Elijah were outside playing as you see in most of the pictures except for the one of cole showing his crayon. These boys are such a blessing to me. So many times when I find myself in a rough place I find myself thinking of these boys and how much they mean to me, how much joy I get from being with them, and how much love I give to them and receive from them. I have babysat them since cole was just a baby, and he just turned 6 this year. Elijah calls me Kissy, and they both just give the best hugs you could ever imagine.
I have really grown alot in the past month or so with all the hospitals and treatments and all that stuff. I have really found I want to be here, while it is stiill a journey I am on right now, I am finding it easier each day to wake up and want to live the day. These boys have had a huge impact on my life. From the hugs to the brutal honesty they bring me. I feel as if they are my little brothers, I would literaly die for them. Do anything to protect them, my mom says I am getting just a small taste of what it is to be a mom.

What else have I done this summer. Well, I worked at the taste of Glen ellyn working in the ticket booth. I do this each year, its good money to work the carnival. a good time too. And I start work at Giordanos next week. Unfortunately I will not be able to go to lab this year because of the current health situations, but I need to take this summer to spend on me, work on getting to a better place so that next year at school, and even the rest of this summer will be good.

Pray for my mom, she has been in the hospital the last 3 days. She is coming home today though. They were giving her plasma and hemoglobin because her blood was way to thin causing blood blisters on her, and causing her to wake up the other night with blood all on and in her mouth and pillow. Just pray the Lord will hold her and walk with her in these times, as she heals.

Love you all!

chrissy