pray

Pray for my mom. She is in the hospital again... this is 2x already this year... looks like this year is yet to be different from the others. I dont have time for details, please just keep her in your prayers and thoughts.

<>< Chrissy

hmm... I just dont know

Well, seeing as I just remembered I had this site... I might as well write a general blog about what's been going on.

Life has been alright. I have been exceptionally busy with school, my 2 jobs, tutoring a girl with asperger's syndrome, friends, and between all of that... The meetings, and occasionally sleep.

I find all of these activities busy me, and therefore keep my mind off things... that is until I have the opportunity to sit, and just be... usually about the time of bed, and that is what gives me trouble. Dealing with depression is hard. I have really been struggling lately with thoughts, and not feeling as myself. I have started going to a psychologist here near campus, and while we are talking about some really hard things, I know it will be benificial for me. Throughout all of this, I have really been questioning God. I find I often keep God in a box, a place where if I know He can handle something, Ill let Him out, but I very seldom let Him into the big things in my life. I know why I do this, its because ever since I was little, ad I asked for healing for my mom, or asked for wisdom and help with finding who murdered my uncle... and nothing ever happened. My mom is pretty sick, and we still have yet to find who killed my uncle. I have seen and experienced more death, and bad things in my life than most see in an entire lifetime. And then I wonder, why. why my family, why now, why cant we catch a break? things like that. I have really just been struggling with believing God is there that he hears and truly answers. I have no problem praying for others, but when it comes to my own life ad family... I often hesitate, wondering if it really is even worth it any more. I just wish I could understand.
I dont understand why my mom has to suffer so much, I know its bad to say, but i would rather He take her home, because I am sick of seeing her be sick tired and in pain. And I know she is tired of it too... because she too has said she is ready to stop taking the medicines. that scares me.
I often wonder....is it supposed to be like this?
I dont know where Im going with this. so therefore... i suppose ill stop...

im off to work, ESL workshop, work, then a meeting... all done at 10:30 pm today... hmph.